The Ultimate Guide to Rehearsal Dinner Planning, Etiquette & Fashion

So you’ve locked down the venue, agonized over the seating chart, and somehow survived dress shopping with your mother. Now someone’s asking about the rehearsal dinner?

Cool cool cool.

Here’s the good news: the rehearsal dinner is actually supposed to be the easy part. No 200-person guest list. No first dance anxiety. Just an intimate evening with the people who matter most — and maybe a few happy tears before the big show.

We’re covering everything from who pays (it’s complicated) to what to wear, who to invite, and how to make the whole thing memorable without adding another nervous breakdown to your wedding planning bingo card.

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First Things First: Do You Even Need a Rehearsal Dinner?

The rehearsal dinner has its origins in the elaborate weddings that gained popularity in the 1950s, which needed a full walkthrough the day before. Over the decades, this pre-wedding event has evolved into a cherished tradition that offers quality bonding time for those closest to the couple’s heart.

But not every family will want — or have time for — one.

For couples planning an extravagant wedding, our suggestion is to do it. That extra day for rehearsals can help sort out the kinks for your big day. A rehearsal dinner can also be a meaningful event for loved ones who can’t make it to the wedding proper.

If you think the expenses outweigh the benefits, it’s perfectly okay to skip it. Some couples put that money toward the venue, flowers, or another splurge-worthy expense instead.

Whatever you decide, remember what really matters: spending time with family.

Who Pays for the Wedding Rehearsal Dinner?

If you’re following a more traditional etiquette guide, the groom’s parents typically plan and pay for the rehearsal dinner. That’s right — you don’t need to worry about paying or doing any of the work; your partner’s parents are on the hook for it all!

Okay, maybe that was a bit too exuberant.

As it may happen, sometimes no one offers to pay, or the couple prefers to have control over the rehearsal dinner themselves. In either case, the couple would plan and pay for the event. Couples can also ask both sets of parents for help sharing the cost.

Whoever ends up paying, tradition seems to hold sway. If online forums are anything to go by, the consensus is that making guests fork over their cash for a rehearsal dinner is a no-no.

The key: Have clear conversations about spending capabilities beforehand so expectations align. Nothing ruins your best day like surprise disagreements the night before. If you have a particular venue in mind and don’t want to compromise, discuss this with whoever is hosting. They may not be able to afford a lavish affair that costs more per head than your wedding meal.

Who’s Invited to the Rehearsal Dinner?

Unlike your sprawling wedding reception invite list, rehearsal dinner guest lists are short and sweet. This intimate scale allows you to relay heartfelt appreciation for those who have touched your life and supported your relationship.

The Must-Invites:

• The bride and groom’s parents, stepparents, and grandparents
• All members of the wedding party, including plus-ones
• Any siblings not in the wedding party, along with their plus-ones
• The officiant and their significant other
• If inviting the flower girl or ring bearer, their parents too (even if they’re not in the wedding party)
• Close friends and relatives

What About Out-of-Town Guests?

You may want to consider inviting out-of-town guests, but the rehearsal is meant to be an intimate gathering. Instead, you might host another event for them at a different location, such as a restaurant near their hotel — or invite them to your home (or a relative’s) for an informal dinner or cocktail party.

Pro tip: Allow each wedding party member to invite a plus-one so nobody feels left out. Aim for around 30-50 guests for optimal comfort and conversation.

Choosing the Perfect Venue

The rule for venues should follow the rule for formality: don’t make the dinner fancier than the wedding.

If you’re having a lavish wedding with all the frills, you have more flexibility. But if you’re electing for a simple ceremony on the beach in casual clothes, guests shouldn’t be wearing three-piece suits to your rehearsal dinner.

Venue Ideas That Work:

• A sit-down restaurant (preferably one with a private room)
• A backyard BBQ
• Your favorite pizza place
• Venues with extra meaning — maybe your first date spot or the location of your proposal

What’s most important is that everyone can relax and enjoy the celebratory meal — especially you!

Scout locations in advance to align with your rehearsal dinner date and time, which typically occurs the evening before the wedding.

Deciding on the Dining Style

Whatever style you choose, consider what fits your crowd:

Formal Plated Dinners: Guests sit down and are served a mouthwatering meal. Perfect for more traditional families and guests.

Buffet Style: From plated dinners to extensive buffets, this style encourages bonding around the table. For larger guest lists, buffets may be easier to coordinate than table service.

Casual Cocktail Style: More relaxed affairs revolve around passed hors d’oeuvres and creative cocktail-style grazing. Opt for substantive small bites so guests don’t leave hungry.

In any style, add seating so older relatives can rest. And remember: hearty menu items soak up celebratory cocktails, preventing wobbly walks down the aisle the next day.

Planning a Memorable Menu

Brainstorm menu items that leave a lasting delicious impression. Include your favorite ingredients, ethnic cuisine elements, or that fancy champagne you’ve been waiting to enjoy.

The menu should be less extensive than your wedding reception — but that doesn’t mean you should cheap out completely.

Important: Give special consideration to guests’ dietary needs. Note any vegetarians, allergies, or intolerances when selecting dishes. It’s bad host manners to leave guests starving!

What Happens During a Rehearsal Dinner?

Time to Laugh

The rehearsal dinner is arguably a more intimate event than the wedding itself. In the chaos of the wedding day to come, the bride and groom may not be able to spend as much one-on-one time with the people closest to them.

We worked out the calculation for Love & Lavender’s own wedding. It turned out we only got to spend 4½ minutes with each guest! Not a lot of time if you’ve planned a big invite list. A rehearsal dinner allows you to spend more quality time.

Time to Cry

If the bride wants to read a poem to her maid of honor, the rehearsal dinner is the perfect moment. Things will likely be quieter, and she has more time.

The couple may also want to play favorite songs that remind them of their relationship — songs that may not fit neatly into the wedding theme.

Video presentations documenting the bride and groom’s lives before and after they got together are also great for the rehearsal. Everyone can “ooh” and “aah” at how cute they were as kids and how in love they are now.

Thank-you gifts can be handed out to everyone in attendance, especially if the gift is something the couple wants everyone to wear or bring to the wedding.

The Rehearsal Dinner Toast

One of the most popular activities is the toast. First, the host — usually the groom’s father — offers a toast, followed by the best man. After that, the floor is fair game and anyone can give a toast.

No limits for brevity here — everyone can be as lengthy and humorous as they want to be. Be sure to rise and thank everyone who has toasted you, as well as thank the hosts when everyone has finished.

Pro tip: Appoint someone as a toast coordinator to prevent awkward silences or over-eager speakers from dominating the mic! Whether cringe, tear-jerking, or funny, impromptu speeches during the rehearsal dinner are always memorable.

Adding Personal Touches

Infuse your personalities into the rehearsal dinner to craft a memorable experience:

• Display photos from your relationship’s special moments at the venue entrance
• Design a signature cocktail reflecting your tastes
• Decorate with pictures of loved ones and shared interests
• Use décor, tablescape details, or menu cards to share inside jokes
• Set up a photo booth or Polaroid selfie station
• Screen a touching slideshow or video of your love story’s highlights

These little touches are one way to give thanks to loved ones who have been with you through this journey.

What to Wear to a Rehearsal Dinner

Any excuse to dress up is a good excuse as far as we’re concerned. That’s why we think you should have a little fun with your rehearsal dinner outfit choice. It’s most likely the eve of your wedding, and excitement will be in the air. It’s still a special occasion where you want to look amazing.

Keep in mind there will probably be a lot of movement and mingling throughout the evening. Choose something comfortable and fashionable.

Think sparkles and beading (it is a celebration, after all), play with cuts, hemlines, and fabrics, or perhaps choose something you wouldn’t normally wear — like a classy jumpsuit. You can really wear whatever you’d like as long as you feel comfortable. You don’t have to choose white, but we love the idea!

Outfit Ideas by Vibe:

Backyard Casual: A flowy romantic gown or sundress

Downtown Chic: A sleek V-neck jumpsuit

Restaurant Classy: An elegant midi dress

Night on the Town: Something with a little sparkle

Setting the Dress Code for Guests

Help guests gauge what to wear by specifying a dress code fitting the location and formality you envision. Smart casual is a popular choice offering flexibility: think pants, dresses, skirts, button-downs, or polos rather than ball gowns or tuxedos.

Sending Invitations

Never assume people will just know they’re invited without receiving an official invitation. You don’t necessarily need formal printed invitations — especially if the guest list is small, a simple word-of-mouth invitation will do.

When to Send Them

The best time to send invitations is after everyone has RSVP’d to the actual wedding, and about three weeks before the dinner. This way you know for sure who’s coming and who’s participating in your bridal party.

Give guests at least a month’s notice — or better yet, two to three months. Include location, date, time, and what to expect so they can make arrangements.

Online invitation templates offer gorgeous customizable options you can quickly share by email. RSVP tools allow accurate headcounts.

Sample Invitation Wording

A formal rehearsal dinner invitation may read:

Mr. and Mrs. Anthony Patrick Stewart
request the pleasure of your company
at the Rehearsal Dinner for
Stacey Adams and Lucas Stewart
Thursday, the third day of May
Two thousand and eighteen
at six o’clock
AQUA by El Gaucho
2801 Alaskan Way
Seattle, Washington

Coordinating the Schedule

The rehearsal dinner usually happens the evening before the wedding, following the walkthrough at the ceremony and/or reception site. Maintain enough buffer time so guests can freshen up between activities without rushing.

Depending on your schedule, you may hold your rehearsal practice earlier the same day or the day before. Coordinate timing carefully around venue availability and other wedding events.

Important: If the rehearsal dinner is held the night before the wedding, make sure it doesn’t stretch into the wee hours. Everyone needs their beauty sleep, and you don’t want your wedding party nursing a hangover on the big day.

Don’t Forget to Capture the Moments

Given smaller guest lists, rehearsal dinner photography is wonderfully manageable compared to cramming hundreds of attendees into wedding day snapshots.

Don’t miss the opportunity to capture these light interactions full of warmth, laughter, and love as you soak in quality time together on the eve of your big chapter ahead. Display some shots the next day to share glimpses of this special event — photos from rehearsal dinners are perfect memories to show during the reception, especially if some guests aren’t able to make it to both events.

The Big Picture

Amid the flurry of caterer calls, Pinterest idea pins, and invitation proofs, stay centered on what matters. This dinner offers those closest to you a chance to connect wholeheartedly before your lives transform.

Soak in love and support from those cheering you on into marriage and get pumped for the celebration ahead! Your guests will roll with mishaps — what makes the event unforgettable are the people involved, not picture-perfect place settings.

Handle complex components like catering in advance, then trust it will all come together. Remind yourself why you’re celebrating in the first place.

Quick Reference: Rehearsal Dinner Planning Timeline

4-6 months out: Finalize host, venue, and menu

8 weeks before: Send invitations

3 weeks before: Confirm RSVPs and finalize headcount

1 week before: Confirm all vendors, finalize seating, prep any speeches or presentations

Day of: Breathe. Enjoy. This is meant to be fun!

FAQs

Can the rehearsal dinner theme differ from the wedding?
Absolutely! Some couples opt for continuity across events, but many rehearsal dinners bear a more relaxed vibe than the nuptials. Contrasting themes linked to your location or relationship’s story make great conversation starters.

What’s the #1 tip for a stress-free rehearsal dinner?
Breathe — this is meant to be an enjoyable celebration with your people, not Project Runway! Handle complex components in advance, then trust it will all come together.

Should we have entertainment?
Though not a priority, consider livening things up with interactive elements guests of all ages enjoy: a photo booth, lawn games, or dancing to uplifting playlists. Appoint someone to spearhead activities so you can focus on quality conversations.

Now you may be asking: should you bring a karaoke machine? That’s a matter of preference, of course. Consider if you have next-door neighbors during the event before booting up Celine Dion — just to be safe.

Good luck, and cheers to happily ever after!